he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize