get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
