Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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