Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
