i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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