piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
