You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
