it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
