I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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