You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
