Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
