you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
