She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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