He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You can't motorboat a personality
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
