At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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