Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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