Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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