All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
