i jhust puked up my retainher.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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