I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
