It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
