its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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