The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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