Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
