Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
