dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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