We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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