this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's never too late to be topless.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
