Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
