Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
