How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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