I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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