I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
