FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
