I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
