Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
