I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
