I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
