Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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