Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
