Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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