hell yes lets make some ravioli
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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