It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
