True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
