we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
