We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
