Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
