I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize