I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
