he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
