dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize