i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize