You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
