WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
