Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
