thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
