So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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