If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
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