saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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