Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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