he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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