Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
All I want is dick and wine.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
