so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
