Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
