this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
