Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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