Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize