Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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