omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
