I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
