I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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