Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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