Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
