he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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