how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
