So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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